Sick~


i had sick for a week edi...
n still haven't recover yet..
n my boy sick too...
make me very worry about him..
coz he seldom sick..
once he is sick..
he will be quite ill..
n yea.. i m right..
he really quite ill..
n wat a weird sick..
he get fever..
but his stomach pain for few days too..
>_<



everytime his is sick..
i will be moody..
all the day..
i will be in the worry mood too..


everytime his is sick..
i feel that he forget me edi..
coz he don like to talk to d phone..
don like to sms..
no matter how many messages i sent him...
maybe..
he will just reply me once..
for d whole day..
n with the short n simple message..
do i demand too much?



i m sick..
he is too...
but when he is sick..
he will forget that i m sick too..
thats y..
i wish that he will recover soon..
to let me feel d love n cares again..



yesterday..
when i call him..
his mom answered d phone..
coz he is sleeping..
n u noe wat..
his mom can hear tat my voice r diff..
yea..she noe i m sick too..
n ask me to take care..
tat time..
my feeling r so complicated..
i felt warm..
yet i felt cold..
coz his mom r d one who notice tat i m still sick..
but not him..

after he wake up...
i think his mom told him that i sick..
so he sms me n ask me to rest more..
sigh..
y men r like this?



i really hate when he is sick..
coz everytime he is sick..
i realise that there r very much diff between us..
shows tat i love him, i care him much more than he do..
or is it just d diff between gals n guys?
i don't know..



i still remember when d very first time he get very ill...
is he get chicken pox..
that time i am having my stpm..

i still remember..
there r nobody at his home..
his parents r out for working..
his sis r oversea..
no one take care of him..
n he is really quite ill..



d 1st day i go visit him..
d moment i saw him..
my tears really drop...
really..
coz my heart feel so pain when i saw him like very suffer...
n d pox..
frightened me..
he don let me to go near him..
but i did it oso..
i hug him..
n tears drop..
coz my heart so pain..



during tat period..
i go his house to take care of him..
right after exam..
he din talk much to me..
coz he is ill..
i just help him wif lunch n rent some vcd to him..
so that he wont be so boring..



d 2nd time he is ill..
is last year..
he get denggi..
tat time i m at penang...
he had fever for few days..
n only know he get denggi after d 2nd blood test ( if i m not mistaken)
i still rmb d scenery..
i m at usm bus..
i called him..
his parents answer..
telling me that he is in hospital..
coz denggi..
i wan like..OMG~

den d nex day..
i straight away go bek kl..
ask his fren to fetch me to grand eagle hospital..
n tat night..
i overnight at hospital..
accompany him..
take care of him..



i m not showing off..
but those is my scary memories..
everytime he is ill..
i really scare to lost him..
i rather i m d one who sick..
i really think that so..
n i m selfish..
i need his love n care..
so..
i rather i m d one who sick..

Anonymous~



I have leave comment to his blog..
n he reply me wif a smile n thanks me for reading his blog..
yea.. i admit.. i m happy~

but in his blogspot's blog..
i totally not dare to leave comment wif my blogspot's acc..
i am worrying..
tat he will click to my blog n see wat i wrote about him..
worrying he ll know i admire him..
*shy shy*
i just hope to be d reader of his blog..
coz i really enjoy reading his writing..
never tot to be d real friend oso..
so..
i leave wif d name " anonymous"
n he do reply me..
thanks for sharing my thinking wif him...
n asking me who am i..
i struggle again..
tell or not tell..
n once again..
i decide to leave wif d name anonymous again..
but i told him my name..
n he send a smile n thanks me again to my friendster acc...

I found u~


today...
i just simply click to my senior's blog..
n i found a guy name yuan tat comment on his blog..
n i just simply click on it..
n u noe wat i saw?!
d primary photo is a guy smile so happily..cant see d eyes..
really attract me..really~


den i click to his pics..
OMG! is him..
a guy tat i meet before..
a guy tat i mention in my blog before...
a guy tat i always kap before....
a guy tat i always met him in d bus stop...
a guy tat i always saw him at my hostel's cafe (last time)
a guy tat i saw him few times walk to d school..
a guy tat attract me deeply..

n i view his blog..
wow~
u noe wat...
i think i really admire him man...
he is so talented in writing...
he is d 1st guy tat i found out love to read novels n even write some short novels...
n his short novels really touching me... (i swear, not becoz of his looks)
i totally admire his talent..
his personality juz add d marks..
hahahaha!
n tell u guys..i really love to read novels too~

he is like..my dream guy.. hahahaha!
but i think i really just admire him..from d bottom of my heart...
i din expect to be his friend or even got d chance to let him noe about me...
coz.. it is a dream tat too far for me...
i will just be d gal tat view his writing n try to understanding him by his blog...

no worries... i still love my boy...


zi yuan,
a guy tat i really fall in love with his smile n talented...

http://tw.starq.com/newstar2/okstarq.php




整體性格
Esther小姐，衝勁十足，志向遠大；，乾脆利落，上進心很強；也有溫和順從，見機行事，善解人意的一面。

待人性格
Esther小姐待人：有情有義；既喜歡與人同樂也能樂於獨處；擅長表達落落大方；沒什麼排他性；不和人分享秘密會覺得難過。

處世性格
Esther小姐處事：有主見但不強迫別人；擇善固執；有立場也能妥協；不拘泥細節；兼顧理想和實際；妥善計劃有序行事。

性格缺點
Esther小姐性格的缺點為：不夠細心馬虎草率；有時候快人快語不懂自我防衛；偶爾會讓人感覺不夠熱情。

價值觀
Esther小姐重視的價值觀為：自由自在；善用時間；傳播真理；較不擅長：微枝末節；節儉守財；親暱黏膩。

愛情性格
Esther小姐在愛情上不喜歡拖拖拉拉的進展步調，不很重視浪漫，會吃醋但不嚴重；較常表現：熱情主動，狂野奔放，堅持原則，古怪精靈。

金錢性格
Esther小姐的金錢觀：花錢很得體不浪費也不小氣，喜歡按照計劃用錢；容易把錢用於：滿足自我，探索新奇，享受生活，追求新潮。

Accident



Accident...a scary word for me...
just now.. my fren sms ask me am i ok...coz he saw my car like crash edi..
i was like...OMG! it muz be my mom or bro..most probably should be my bro coz he juz get his "P"...
n i call bek...ask her got anything happen anot..she say NO... >_<
den i straight away ask who bang d car..
she was like....suprise! suprise tat i noe..hahahaha!
n d truth is.. my bro did it! ppl in front emergency brake..so he go n bang ppl's ass... ai.. luckily he is safe~ but my car... wuwuwuwuwuwu!
act since he get d license..i edi guess this ll happen..juz din expect it happened so fast.. wahahahaha!
=================================================================

today is d end of my tough period in tis sem...
all presentations, mid term exams n assignments r DONE!
unfortunately..i m sick...
Damm it!
sigh...
n i feel very boring ler!!!!!!!!!
nothing i can do unless start my reading for d final..
yet..i m lazy! kekekekeke!
==================================================================


last month... 9 / 9 / 07...
i attend sui yuen's wedding dinner...
a guy who is d 1st to hold my hand...
had married...
although he is edi "a past"
but..still got a lot of complicated feeling when i attend his wedding dinner...
especially shake hand wif him n wish him...not sad..erm...juz dunno how to describe it..
but of course...i really wish he will be happy n full wif hapiness...sincerely...
wish he ll be a good daddy ya!

===================================================================


recently..
i feel that i really miss my old fren vy much..
keep on viewing d pics tat save in my laptop...
mizz d great time i have wif my buddies...
quite a long time din gather wif them...
because our holiday r diff...cant hav d chance to meet...
anyway..
i still wanna wish kar mun n teng seng happy belated birthday...
hope u guys like d pressie...
n i oso wan to say sorry..
coz i think i brought d wrong pressie...for teng seng.. forgiv me..i really dunno ur SIZE...
for kar mun... i hope nex time i can get another pressie tat u like...i ll try... sorry ya!

chiann yien, seed yian, may wan.... i mizz u guys lots....
n oso for Vc, yen , jx n pyan... looking forward to meet y guys soon...
n of course for sheau huei tat is far far away fom us..
wish she is fine there....

星期六的深夜

星期六晚上哪都不想去 也无法入睡
看着电视机 持续在发呆
喝了七分醉 闭上了眼睛
试着不想你 但你来不及
忘了如何让眼泪停止流下
还好没人看见 没人会说话

星期六深夜 我想起了你
没什么特别只是回忆
你让我自由 我很感激
星期六深夜
我.. 喔..永远不会有任何人能代替你

星期六晚上哪都不想去
也无法入睡 看着电视机
持续在发呆 喝了七分醉
闭上了眼睛 试着不想你
但已来不及
忘了如何让眼泪停止流下
还好没人看到 没人会说话

星期六深夜 我想起了你
没什么特别只是回忆
你让我自由 我很感激
星期六深夜
我..喔..永远不会有任何人能代替你

这就是遗憾的滋味 陪着我形影不离
明天我会面带微笑但无法忘记你..
唔....让我自由，我很感激你..
星期六..唔...
永远不会有人(任何人)能代替你.




i like this song's lyric very very much.. although i m still together with him...
but we are far apart..
seldom have the chance to meet each other..
before i came to penang study..
almost every weekend.. especially saturday...
is our dating day..
since d day we r together..
n it is edi for almost 3 years..
although i edi adapt d new life here..
yet..i still feel lonely especially on saturday nite..
missing d time we spent together..
hoping that we can meet soon..

=L o Ve YoU=

Secret*

today right after presentation..
i watch jay chow new movie *secret* with my coursemates...
at 1st don feel like goin with them coz i very tired..
thois few days busy prepare my presentation..
darn tiring n stress..
but luckily..
i got join them!
it is a very nice n touching story!
never tot tat d story line can be so good n d way they present this story..it is juz.. 2 thumbs up! opps.. not enuf? legs up too! hahaha~
it is not like other movie.. it is much more better bcoz every details of d story r so so so.. touching our heart.. no matter it is sweet, happy, funny, or sad...they express it so "detailly"..
n u ll totally enjoy it when watching jay chow playing piano! d music so nice..hahahaha~
just don noe y.. i like this movie.. willing to watch 2nd time too~
well done jay chow~ so capable!

" people that don listen to music is bad guy~" hahahaha! by wong chow sang.. lolz!

wondering...


recently i really found out myself r sucks...
i feel that myself r having a old thinking...
seriously..
i cant agree with d ppl tat like to play in relationship...
although mostly i said to others n myself tat it is juz a normal thing in this age..
but when i found out that my close friend did that..
i mean.. those normal flirt nvm la..
but is really like a playboy or play girl..
especially those 'step 2 boats' wan..
i really hate..
although i would just ignore wat they did..
but.. when i facing them..
i found out that i don noe wat to talk with them edi..
eventhough when they chatting wif me in this topic..
i was like...
u noe.. agree wif them.. n act like i support wateva they did..
after that..
i feel awful...
really..
feel sucks...
this feeling hunter me vy often..
becoz they r my friends..
even is my close frens..
but i don like ppl like tat..
n i hate myself too...

Hate hate hate!

really in bad mood now~ fucker~
y human r selfish?!
y they can being so selfish!
y?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck off pls~

n y..
y u let me found out tat u r not tat good?!
y u let me see that u r not so good?
ur changes frightened me!
u r not naive anymore!
u r vy scary!
pls..don show off in front of me!
i hate it!
maybe i m too sensitive..
but u make me feel like u like to get d 'things' that i like..
everything is i told u before~
n now
u get it n show off~
at first..
i really don mind..
but u make me feel irritated!
at 1st..
i m happy for ur good changes..
happy that u live life happier~
coz i treat u as true friend..
but..
now...
u r over~
being a good human in front of others..
tat make me feel u r so xxxxxxxx.......
keep on getting ppl's pity to u~
don't u doing the same thing as 'another human'?

i don't know y..
i really hate ppl like this...
but i wont n don have the brave tat show my irritated towards tat ppl..
coz..
this is none of my business...
n...
i don wan to argue wif friends..
coz..i noe i ll regret..
i juz hope tat human..wont take d wrong step~
n pls.. don make me feel bad on u! or should i think in ur view so i would understand ur attitude better?

My feeling..


i m happy tat u come to find me...
although u juz stay for 11 hours...
but..
better than never..
i know it is not ur fault..
i appreciate every moments with u..
.................................................................................

seriously..
since d appearance of d anonymous..
i don hav much feeling to bloggin edi...
really..
y nobody understand my feeling?
it is like..
erm..don noe how to describe..
i juz don wan a stranger know so much about me..
wat i wrote here is my diary, my secret...
steph..can't u understand?
i don mean to scold anyone..

i think tat anonymous is someone tat i noe..
juz wonder why don wanna let me know..
unless he or she is someone tat i don like..
coz..i can't think of another reason...

Specially for tat ANONYMOUS~

My blog..
is a place for me to express out my feeling...
share my happiness, sadness n view with my buddies n friends...
don talk nonsense here...
if u don like my post..don't view k!
n don leave any comment!
u ask me don bother u?!
den u don comment anything la..
izit so shy or shame to let me noe who r u?
if u r my friend..
juz tell me..
i ll accept it n sorry that i being rude..
but i cant accept a stranger..
hope u still have a clear brain n understand my feeling..

My Precious~


sad sad sad... lost my precious...
earing a earing..pls..don hide edi.. fast fast appear in front of me..
today..i found out tat i lost 1 earing..my platinum wif a small small lil diamond earing.. it is a gift from my godmom n godsis.. i like it very very much~ T_T
i really hope i can find it back..

===================================================================


last weekend i work at tesco sg. petani, kedah.
it is a new experience for me..
coz i need to stay at my colleague's hostel..
darn not use to it...
so suffer ler..
2 days working make me tired like hell...
juz don noe y..
maybe d situation..
feel so stress..
n feel stranger to d place n ppl...
i m d only part-time promoter from RVT...
others r i-gate staff..
feel weird..
but i tell myself..
it is becoz i still got my market value..
tats y i m here...
but..how can they lower d salary?!
somemore no commission?
it makes me feel not worth for working so hard..
but..i still did my best for them..
n we almost hit d target..is really almost...
juz left 0.01%..
cheers for us~
mizz my penang hse..miz my hsemates..
ahahaha~
n my hsemates r really sweet...
i m glad tat i got d good hsemates..
hehe!
coz yesterday i bek to penang at midnight..
i quite scare to take lift alone at midnight..
so i got ask my roommate to accompany me..
but wat suprise me is my hsemates..
they come down together to welcome me..
hahahaa~
quite touch ler..
thanks ya~
coz tat time is around 3am..
===================================================================

i really miss those days i work at 1u..
although tat period really tiring n i work for 4 days..
but i really enjoy...is enjoy..
even i hope d fair wont end so early..
tat is a good experience for me..
i think not only for me..
is for all my colleagues oso..
coz till today..
they still talking about d fair..
discussing how great we are..
i m glad i got d chance to work for i-gate...
coz i learn a lot..a lot..
n i make new frens..
although not really close..
but i learn a lot from them..
n i respect some of them..
they r really good in sales..
n d sales within tat week...i mean tat fair..
is much more than d target..
amazing ya!
i think d boss of i-gate sure laugh like hell..
==================================================================

i quite enjoy my life now...
LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST...
tat is wat i m trying to do now...
n doing d best i can..

L O N E L I N E S S

both of my roommate leave me alone n go hav fun wif their frens n family..
>.<
feel lonely, boring n scare..
coz never sleep alone in this room yet..
seriously, i feel tat myself is useless...
i scare to take lift alone..
i scare to swim alone...
i scare to sleep alone in other place..
although sometimes i love to be alone..
but i ll feel scare too....
i ll think many many...
think wrongly...

wat am i gonna to do d whole day?
don noe..
mood so down...
i wish i got mood to study hard now...
.......................................................................................................................................................

T I R E D

being a human really very tiring...
being a good human more tiring...
i m not saying tat i m good...
but sometimes..
i really feel tired for being d ppl tat always make d others laugh at..
when hanging out wif frens..
i like to be crazy...
to make all of us laugh crazily..
but it is tired..
especially those fren tat not really can fool, or play wif...
u think i really like to be siao zha bo?
u think i really love to be like a clown?
make u guys laugh at me n den bully me?
i admit tat sometimes i really crazy...
but i still know wat is d limit...
y always wan bully me?
y always wanna fool me?
y i always have to fulfil u guys wish?
y i always have to take care of u guys feeling?
Y NOBODY REALLY TAKE CARE OF MY REAL FEELING.................


NORMALLY, i wont show u my sad face..
NORMALLY, i wont show u my angry face..
because, i don wan u to be d same mood wif me at d moment..
because, i respect u...
because, i hope u r happy...
but, i hate ppl tat r SELFISH!

NEW ENVIRONMENT, NEW LIFE, NEW BEGINNING, NEW EXPERIENCE....



It is 2nd day at my new house at penang... not tooooo bad.. but not really good oso...
many things still not yet finish cleaning n packing... damm messy now... but it is much more better than the school hostel.. hahahah~

miss my home, my family, my buddies n frens, my dear very very much...
really miss...
me become stronger than wat i've tot... really...

i din take japanese this semester.. coz over unit edi... so sad.. coz i really like japanese n hope i can speak japanese very well...

tats all for today.. gonna clean d balcony now.. ai! lazy + tired man...

FUTURE....


no one can predict wat will be in d future..
no one can decide their future...
future is out of our control...

we only can try our best to work for a better future...
but we cannot decide it..
they r too many unpredictable things happen...
wat i know is live ur life to d fullest n appreciate everything tat u r having.....

i don noe whether u will be in my future,
i oso don noe whether i will be in ur future...
wat i noe is i really appreciate d life tat we r sharing rite now..
my heart really so pain when u say i can n should find a better man...
i wonder since when ur thinking become so negatively..
since when u become so lack of confidence...
u said they r many guys out there much more better than u..
tat time i only realise n understand tat y u giving me so much freedom..
wat u wan is i can find a better man..
u understand tat i love u so much..
so u r giving me d chance to meet d other guy..
let me don out so much attention on u..
let me "fly"...
u said u r useles...
not match me...
u feel stress coz u think u r not enuf qualification for me..

dear....
i noe,
my background had bring a lot of stress for u..
but u oso noe i never look down on u rite?
u choose to use another way to love me.. for my own good..
i feel so pain..deep in my heart...
u hav no confidence for our future coz u think u cant do it..
u think i should not juz follow a guy like u..
u think i should get a better man..
dear,
sorry..
u r trying so hard to fullfill my demand..
n tat make u so stressful...
sorry....

i noe..they many guys tat r much more better than u..
but u r d one tat always lead me to d right way..
u r d one tat is my bestest fren in my life..
u r d one tat i wan to share all d happiness n sadness in my life..
u r d one tat love me lots...
n d most important is..
u r d one tat i love most...

our road getting hard n harder to go through...
but i hope we can still holding hand wif hand,
go through all d challenges..

i juz wan to let u noe tat...
u r not d best guy in d world,
but u r d best for me..
wat i wan is a guy treat me sincerely,
not their money..their knowledge...

anyway, don regret..
since u wan me to like tat..
since u said time can heal d pain...
don regret tat giving me d opportunity n freedom...
don regret if u giv up me so easily...
i juz don wan u to regret...
u really think tis is d better way..?

future, is a mystery...

MY FIRST SEM BREAK...




few days later i m goin back to penang..start my 2nd year at USM.. time passes really fast... feel so sad when think tat wanna go back.. gonna miss my bed very much very much... goin back to d life tat full or assign n exam soon... goin back to the life tat without my car.. goin back to d life tat hav to walk a lot a lot.. goin back to d life tat I DON'T LIKE...

i m quite satisfy wif wat i did in tis holiday..at least, i think i din waste d time.. i went genting highland, went kenyir lake, went pulau redang, n i work.. learn a lot of things from my job.. get to know more frens... social life r complicated... really...

anyway...i really very glad tat i got d chance to get tis job n learn a lot of things.. knowledge tat money cant buy.. friendship tat money cant buy... n this job make me know more about myself.. at least..i know wat i can do..at least..i know i m not tat useless...

besides..this holiday let me knoe more about human being...some ppl r really sellfish.. they never think about others feeling.. although i get hurt...but i told myself i should thank u...n i ll tk it as a lesson...

Sensitive..


wats d definition of sensitive?
anyone can tell me d diff between sensitive, caring, trust, sweet, complaine?
their def is so obviously diff but for me..it is related..it depend on how u define it..
u think i m sensitive but i think it is because of ur less caring...
u think i m sensitive but i juz don really trust u...
u think i m sensitive but i juz cant really feel tat i m in love..
u think i like to complaine, but i juz express out my true feeling..
i think i like to complaine, but i juz wan to discuss with u...

i understand tat everyone's perception on diff things or words is diff...
but i really feel very down when u say like tat..
even ur frens, think d same way...
if u think they really understand me very well..juz go ahead listen to them...
ask urself, ask ur heart..did i act d way in tat situation juz like ur fren said?!

i admit tat sometimes i am sensitive, but it is becoz u din giv me enuf confidence,
u din give me enuf love, i feel unsecure..
think wat u did in d past.....
think wat d pain u brought to me..
u may think tat is a PAST...
i should not to think back...
but for me tat is a LESSON..
u can forget it easily,
i CAN'T..can't at all...
all d past make me get into crazy thinking..
n tat make both if us suffer..
we feel tired..
is it d end for our relationship?
n tell me why..
why until today,
u still don understand wat i really wan?
i told u thousand times..
but u never put in heart..
u tk it as I LIKE TO COMPLAINE..
wat i wan is just simple,
i just wan ur "heart"...
although i know u love me,
but u more love ur work,ur family, ur frens...
who am i in ur heart?
y i have to always understand, care ur feeling but not u r the one to care my feeling..
u promised, will make me happy n wont bring sadness to me..
but u always d one who make me disappointed most...

but..i still don wan to give up easily..i noe it is really a hard time for us.. but i don wan regret in future...although i really feel bad..but if our story end, will i be happy? even myself oso cannot guarantee...i still need u to let me express out my feeling..


izit..izit very hard to reach happiness?

Moody..



walau..damm boring..kinda moody.. no frens r free to accompany me.. even if they r free, don have transport oso.. sigh..i edi bek for more than 1 month edi.. but i seldom meet my frens oso.. 1 of d reason is i have to work on weekend.. sigh... worry tat all d frens not so close edi.. T_T i don wan tis happen..it is getting harder n harder to gather together.. i really mizz them a lots..

thinking when only i can meet them????????

New Friendship....


Last weekends i work as promoter at tesco...it is not under tesco...is under JVT, but partner wif I-Gate.. a company tat sell digital communication stuff...like dopod,hp, digi camn so on.. n act i m promoting MAXIS...

sorry to my dear shwu wenn for put her aeroplane...coz i promised her to meet at last weekend.. but i hav to work... :p

happy to know d colleagues there...they r..erm..quite fun, funny n a bit flirty.. hahahah! leng zai leng zai..hehe! although juz noe for 2 days... but not bad..kinda mizz them...

okla..stop here..my dear carmen came back for few days edi but i haven't got d chance to meet her..n tat dear seed yian..came back for 2 weeks don wan tell me..now i think she is back to kedah for exam edi...

mizz all my dear frens..but today i m lazy to go out..maybe juz too tired of working.. today juz hope to stay at home...anyway..i hav no car to go out oso..

tats all for today..best wishes for all d ppl tat i noe..muaks!

蛋糕



不知是不是刚过生日，
突然对蛋糕吃上瘾了。。。哈哈!
最近真的吃了不少蛋糕。。。
从生日蛋糕tiramisu和oreo cheese cake。。。
到和朋友去secret recipe去品尝蛋糕。。。
想念美味的marble cheese, lemon chessy, 和mango delight。。。
然后和姐姐在家又自己做cheese cake。。。
真的是很好吃!
短短的不到两个礼拜之内，
还真的把很多chesse，奶油等等高卡路里的东西吃进肚子里。。。
胖胖胖!

可是，
我还在上瘾着。。。
嘿嘿嘿。。。
脑海里充满各种各样的蛋糕。。。
真的好想好想再到蛋糕店把不同口味的蛋糕都品尝完。。。

除了蛋糕，
对雪糕也蛮上瘾的。。。
哎哟。。。
不要再想了。。。
口水直流。。。
不行啦。。。
短期内，
一定要去BR吃我和他最爱的mint chocolate!
yum yum!

等等。。。
摸摸我的肚子。。。
唉。。。
两层的备胎。。。
越来越大了。。。
伤心耶。。。
讨厌啦。。。
嘴巴真的很馋。。。
可是真的越来越胖了。。。

我，能忍得住口吗?

缘分


缘分真的是很奇妙的东西。。。
世界上有千千万万的人民。。。
但总觉得世界真小。。。
其实也不是啦。。。
只是，
一切都是注定的。。。缘分。

没有缘分，当不成家人；
没有缘分，当不成朋友；
没有缘分，当不成师生；
没有缘分，当不成同事；
没有缘分，当不成爱人；
缘分把人们牵引在一起。。。
就算是敌人，之间也存在着缘分。。。

以往没什么交际的朋友。。。
今天或许就是你的知心朋友。。。
以往你看不起的异性。。。
今天或许就是你的爱人。。。

我非常相信缘。。。
所以常提醒自己要惜缘。。。
但，我并不会让自己太过执着于缘分。。。
我的意思是在珍惜身边的每一段缘分的同时。。。
也要向前看。。。
不要太执着于过去式的感情。。。
不管是恋情还是友情。。。
所谓的过去式恋情，
指的当然是已分手的。。。
没有了爱情的恋情。。。
所谓的过去式友情。。。
并不全然是反面了的。。。
指的是以往的好友，
今日已变的不太好，
彼此的世界渐渐地疏远。。。
虽然心仍然当彼此是好友，惜惜相惜。。。
但因外来的因素而慢慢变的陌生。。。
所以，
我们必须放得下心中的执着。。。
向前看。。。
因为人生，
实在有太多的过客。。。
会成为永远的贵宾，
还是得看彼此间的缘分，
当然，我们也得用心经营与真心付出。。。

这几天，
遇到了很多很久不见的朋友。。。
感觉很奇妙，
除了惊喜，
还有一点点尴尬。。。
因为不知该聊些什么。。。
聊的都是那些很门面的话题。。。
除了让我感觉到这世界真小时，
也让我感觉到了缘分的奇妙。。。
仔细想想和身边的好友与恋人的相遇，相识再相知。。。
都是那么奇妙的缘分啊。。。


呵呵!

记得。。。惜缘!

傻


世界上最傻的事是什么呢?
莫过于自杀吧!
更傻的是为情自杀。
更更更傻更笨的是为了一个臭男人自杀。。。
一个连爱都不值得爱的男人自杀。。。
超级傻超级笨的是那男人还以为你只是在骗他，
根本不紧张也不关心你的死活!
那可是我看过除了会打女人的男人之外，
最烂的一个!
玩弄，骗女人的男人多得是。。。
但像他那么一个烂的男人还真第一次从身边的朋友见识到。
骗，就不说了。。。
那是男人的基本条件。。。
爱花钱，
完全不会省，
还衰到要向女朋友借钱。。。
如果女朋友不是还有那一点钱的话，
车也给托走了!
爱面子，大大大大男人主义。。。
强辞夺理!
明明自己错在先，
还一直一直骂人家。。。
根本不把他人的话听进耳。。。
离谱的是告诉他女朋友吃药自杀时竟然没反应!
还说时她自己要吵啦。。。
一大堆!
总之就蛮横无理!
烂男人!
===================
蠢女人，
放不下烂男人。。。
可悲。。。
可怜她的家人。。。父母。。。
养到那么大。。。
为了一个臭+烂男人就想轻生。。。
到最后，
烂男人也不会内疚。。。
照样过他的花花世界。。。
__________________________________________________________

爱情。。。
让人又爱又恨。。。
还是友情和亲情最可靠。。。
虽然友情和亲情没爱情来得甜蜜和刺激。。。
但却是温馨的。。。
所以，
朋友，
不要想不开，
失去爱情，
就让时间来治疗，
让亲情温暖你的心，
让友情重拾你的欢笑。。。
人一生中不只只为了爱情，
我们还有家庭，朋友，事业/学业，还有钱财。。。
当你失去爱情，
你并不失去所有。。。
上天在帮你除掉你的难过伤心，
给机会你找回幸福。
你还有父母要孝顺，
还有朋友陪伴，
还有事业或学业要拼，
还有要赚钱实现梦想。。。
还有，
另一个机会去拥有真正会珍惜你的男人。。。
当然，
那个男人未必是会很好条件，
但，
只要是会珍惜你的，
都不是烂男人。
你能明白吗?



记得，
爱情使人忘记时间，
时间也使人忘记爱情。

Thanks A Lots…

Although I have to celebrate my birthday far from my sweet home at penang.. but still…there r a lots of frens sent me d sweet wishes n greetings.. phone rang n beep all d day.. haha! felt so warm n sweet.. thanks a lot ya all my frens…

Tat night..my coursemates celebrate for me.. treat me for dinner n bought a tiramisu cake..love it! (I really din tell them I like tiramisu o!) although it is not from secret recipe or dpc or others branded cake shop..but still very tasty! Really wan…! N ya.. my roommate bought me a slice of pandan cake oso..tasty oso la..she oso gave me present..

Once again, thanks a lot n appreciate much much!

p/s: steph..really din blame u la..so don blame urself k! muaks~

Watashiwa hatachi desu........


12am edi…二十岁了。。。二字头的生活开始了。也迈进二十一的岁数。再来就是22，23，24，25。。。。哈哈哈! 老套的说一句，"光阴似箭"， 时间过得非常快，大学的生活即将一年了。二十二岁时，就毕业，然后就要认认真真找一份工作养自己，孝顺父母。。。(喔?我怎么扯到这来。。不懂要怎么继续写了。。最近一直"啃"数学，头脑已经扭作一团了。)
说回二十岁的我吧。。。成绩平平(但总算幸运，还算大学生一个)，生活平平(不太沉闷，但也不够精彩)，人际关系平平(没人家那么红，但也蛮多朋友)，家庭关系平平，财力平平(不至于行乞吧，所以要知足)，最后，当然，外表身材也。。平平。。。。
对于读书，我是三分种热度和临时抱佛脚的人。还在那"三分钟"的时段里，我会很努力。过后，只有考试我才会再努力，尽我所能，因为，我不想"死"得太难看。。。不过，对于assignment,我一定会用心做，付出不少的心血。。。至少是交出有quality的。。不敢说是很好，但是是像样的。。而不像有些同学，非常的随便，像小学做的东西似的。。。
目前的生活，基本上和大家的生活差不多。。。哈哈!在说废话。。。真想再说一次，独自到外地生活真的不那么简单。。一切得靠自己，要非常独立。也要习惯"独行侠"的生活，因为你不是做什么事都有朋友愿意陪的。这里，每个人来自不同的生活背景，不同的性格，你还真要睁大眼睛和时间来看清人家的真面目。不像以前，至少大家的文化多多少少都一样。庆幸自己还算能适应这里的生活。。。 不过，心里还是常怀念中六的生活!去过夜店两次，虽然感觉不错，但已让我见识不少。。。夜生活，好复杂!到处都充满了对异性的"欲望"。。哈哈!释放压力?斋跳舞?斋喝酒?屁啦!或许有些人真的是因为这些理由才去，但总有要从异性身上得到一些些刺激的成分在吧!我所谓的刺激和欲望并不全然是一夜情，大多是在夜店里的暧昧和调情。。。所以，这种生活不适合我，我要的是真爱和真友谊。那里?除了在夜店时好像很熟，在外遇到时就像刚认识的朋友那样打个招呼，就算聊，也是那些门面的话题。爱泡夜店的男子不敢恭维，朋友也很少有很真心的吧。。就算有，也维持不太久吧。怎么在那么吵，那么暗的地方交心呢?!所以，我目前的生活还算平平，因为我并不是书虫，但生活也不那么happening。。。
来这里才那么一年，但已给朋友"插几刀"了。。。哈哈!还好，用的都是中或小的刀。那几道疤痕换来看清楚人性的丑陋和真面目，还算值得。这里认识的朋友基本上还算不错，错在我是个猪头。太容易相信人家。人性险恶，一定要带慧眼识人。这道理小学就学过，但总忘了apply在自己身上。嘴巴常说不要那么相信某某某。。。但心还是相信了。所以，当给人插一刀时，都很气。气我把心交出来给狗吠。可是，还是有些是真的不错啦。。。我学会了一样事，口直心快，直肠直肚的人比那些看似单纯，善良，容易受伤害的人好很多。那些看似单纯的往往就是最恐怖的。我真蠢，已经是大学生了，哪里还有人会单纯呢?! 基本上，我敢说我对朋友是蛮好的，因为我是以心交心，不是以利交心。我很珍惜我所拥有的友谊，或许有时候疏于联络，但好友的位子在心中还是不会变的，因为，我是个蛮念旧的人。虽然知道做人要向前看，但总爱怀念过去的种种，独自沉思。朋友们，大声的对你们说:"我爱你们，记得要好好照顾自己。" 收到吗?
二十岁的我，依然在学习着如何和家人沟通。我爱我爸妈，但我不懂该如何和他们沟通。对于爸爸，有种恐惧感，因为他很严肃。但，他却是最为我们将来设想的。对于妈妈，不知为何，和她之间很多摩擦，很容易"出火"，但我真的很爱她，也知道她很为我们的健康着想。或许，是双方表达的方式都不太妥吧。。。所以，来这里读书也不错，摩擦少了，多了份珍惜。但。。。。我希望我的恋情能获得你们的认同。。我爱我姐姐，也以她为荣，羡慕她的美和智慧。和她的性格不一样，她很勤奋，我懒。她很爱帮妈妈下厨，做各式各样的蛋糕甜点菜肴，我不爱。她很会存钱，我很会花钱。总之她好我很多，想来想去，我比她优的是没她那么大头虾。。哈哈哈!她很疼我，只是，有时候还是会凶啦。。哈哈!至于两个弟弟，还是爱啦。。但总爱欺负和作弄我，气死我啦。至于我第二个家庭，我也很爱，因为他们都非常疼我。。。很奇怪，我和我干妈干爹沟通良好。比较可以讲心事啦。。。是他们上了年纪?还是他们比较明白我?不知道。。。我只知道我现在很珍惜他们，尽我所能多陪他们一些，毕竟，他们已上了年纪。说真的，我怕失去他们。。。他们真的很疼爱我这个小干女儿。。。还有，我也爱我三个干哥干嫂，两个干姐姐，还有一"堆"的干侄儿侄女，他们真的超可爱的!我超疼我的斌斌。。。哈哈!和我干哥感情还不错，怀念每次见面时的热情拥抱，哈哈哈!以前小时，他们每个都好喜欢"sok我油"。。还常笑说要sok完我的油。。哈哈!就很喜欢抱我和乱吻我，总之弄到我要发狂才甘愿，因为他们的胡子弄到我很痛!你们别想歪歪啦。。就真的纯兄妹情。。现在大了，当然没以前那么亲密，但还是疼我啦。。二哥还是会抱我吻我啦。我男朋友曾经目睹过我们的举动，还吃起醋来呢。。
活了二十年，也没存几个钱。。。哈哈，太会花了。连小我四年的弟弟的户口的总额还多过我呢!好失败哦。。。所以，我要省，省，省!还有作工赚钱。。。因为我想去好多地方旅行噢。。。可是，今年，身边的朋友都庆祝二十一岁，唉，看来，存钱计划后年才见成果。
至于已经二十岁的我的感情世界，目前最最最希望的是，能获得父母的认同。。。这也是我二十岁最大的愿望。希望大家能祝福我们。。。至于到最后会不会有结果，我希望是看我们自己。我不想因为外来的反对和压力而放弃三年多的感情。我希望是靠我们自己去维持，付出和经营。到最后，是合是分是由我们决定。。。我清楚三年不代表永远，但至少那是我们一起携手经历风风雨雨，喜怒哀乐的三年，我不想就因为我亲爱的妈妈而轻易放弃。我很了解她是为我好，清楚她为人母的想法。但，我不想放弃，如果只因为这个理由，我，放不下。我很感谢他的父母一直以来的体谅和谅解。。。
最后，祝我自己生日快乐!考试加油!
(花了很多时间写部落格了，要回到数学的世界了。。。T_T)
ja,ganbarimasu!

Headache!

My second sem r goin to end SOON...
but seem like my super busy period juz started.. damm f**k la..
really headache! is real headache!
there r still assign n presentation hav to done by nex week...
stupid lecturer! aiks..got a jap drama la..20 mins !
so shit..i hate to act la..some more hav to speak japanese! *fainted*
coz my jap lecturer is vy ##@@&#% wan la..he will only giv high marks to those tat r gorgeous.. n he edi said..he don care how bad our results is..as long as if we done well in d drama, he will giv us A...baka! atama ga okashi!

besides, recently really vy headache finding a room to move out on nex sem..
stupid frens.. put me aeroplane! n a big wan!
really geram la!
i hate ppl lie to me..
n i hate their attitude..
nvr think for others..
only LOVE themselves...
although they r quite good..
but somehow really don like ppl tat always break their promised wif a s**k reason!
somemore wan to lie me...
#@$@$$#@$@%$^&^%*!!!!!!!
i really du lan..but i din scold them la
i understand everyone got their own reason..
but..if cant make it den say earlier la..
don wait until ppl wanna confirm edi only say : "I DON WAN EDI"
du lan la...
.......................................................................................................................................................
recently i wont always go bek kl edi coz my mom don let me go out wif my boy...
T_T
my heart so pain la when think of this...
really don noe how!
d only reason tat she don like i close wif him is he is LOW EDUCATED...
izit a point?
i mean...izit d certificate so so so so so so important?!
tell me..IZIT?!
mom said our LEVEL r not same... *Fainted*
seriously i don think those graduated from uni is good..
they using their dad's money for clubing, "invest" on gal...smoke...like to drinks... bla bla bla...
somemore they r flirty too..they juz got one more paper...d certificate!
yesterday i called my godmom n told her about this..
she console me..n i m glad tat she accepted him...
i love my mom, n i noe she is juz worry my future..
but i really hurt when she said those things...
he is not tat bad k..
at least he is hard working, noe how to save money for future, don smoke, don drinks, don gamble..n is a filial son! ai.. i really hope to get wishes from u n dad...

.......................


so glad tat i can write blog ya..coz recently cant on9..d line r sucks..
actually recently should be vy busy wif assign n should study edi..
but..i only plan it but din tk any action..hahaha!! juz...lazy..
so down la when i cant on9..nowadays..surfing edi bcm a must in my life.. hohoho!

last sat, i went clubing again..GLO..
erm..they said i drank a lot..
but i don think so..
coz i m not drunk yet..
hahaha! juz a bit blur...
not really fun coz TOOOO crowded la..
i really witness a lot of 'couple' flirt wif each other..
so sexy...
so flirty...
make me miz my boy so much.. hahaha!!!
but tat nite i m actually quite moody..
coz my boy's hp no battery..
he promised to use his fren's hp to giv me a call but he din do it..
during tat period..
my instinct told me tat he is doin smth bad..
my instinct lar..
juz don noe y i cant bliv guys 100%..
but then he claim tat i think too much!
hope so...
erm..after got d clubing experiences...
i would nvr let my boy go clubing.. unless he bring me.. haha!

Chill Out


Chill Out...is d 1st place tat i went clubbing...i juz bek...now is 3.55am...
not bad...is fun if u enjoy dancing..but i not really coz i don noe how to dance! hahaha!
but is quite fun oso...
can dance wif leng zai mer..
hehehe!
but i nvr tot of flirt wif them....i swear! (although 'he' really attract me..kekeke)
i asked 2 frens of mine went wif me...
n they hav to lied to their bf...
n i felt i m so hang fuk...
coz shing long let me go..
i can go to hav fun without guilty feeling n 100% enjoy myself but ofcoz nvr 4get u...
thanks dear...
now i can quite understand y u always choose to lie me..
mayb is my fault...
hehehe!
mizzzzzzz uuuu..........

Tired!


Recently i m very headache finding roommate...
wanna be crazy edi!
i need 7 or 8 ppl to move in a new condo near my uni..is nice n fully furnish..d price is valuable!
but now i only get 6...
all is my coursemate....
is really headache...
coz some of them is quite poor...
cant afford if only 6...
n of course me too...
n there is a lot of probs...
everyone got diff demand..
wishing tat i can solve for them..
fainted!
oh god....
pls let me find 1 or 2 more roommate n everything will b ok!
i m tired man...n i really like tat hse...is a nice place to study!
...................................................................................................................................................................
sheau huei r coming bek in april...
i m really happy...
recently she is finding some stuff tat can bring bek for her family n me..
thanks her...she edi get her family some clothes..
n v think tat is enuf but she wanna get more things for her bro, my boy..
but my boy don wan anything more..
but she wan..
n i m stuck in d middle...
keep on asking her to stop thinking to buy anything again but she never listen to me =.="
in d other hand,
my boy keep on ask me to tell her sis not to buy anymore...
n...i ll be crazy .. hahaha!
not only sheau huei,
their cousin bro from japan,
goin to canada,
n he oso ask my opinion coz he plan to buy a MP3 for shing long...
coz he wan sheau huei to bring bek to my boy...
n same thing happened...
my boy keep on asking me to tell his cousin bro : " No Need"
n his cousin bro keep on say : " wan la wan la..is cheap here...XXXX only cost XXX Us dollar...."
n i don noe how...
coz is not good when i say yes or no..
if i say yes or ok, they mightthink tat me or shing long is greedy.
if i say no, they might think tat i m not good for shing long, reject good things for him...
sometimes,
i m thinking...
y don't they juz call each other to ask?
n...
y don't they juz buy it?
don ask for my opinion...
since tat watever i said u still wan to buy....
coz i m juz his gf..not wife...
i cant decide for him...
n i don wan..
i scare later if i make any wrong decision...
they will blame me...
i m not blamming sheau huei la..
coz v r close...
i m blamming my boy,
coz i ask him to call her sis n tell her tat wat he wan n wat he don wan..
but he don wan to call...
everything juz ask me to pass message...
=,="

anyway, really hope can meet sheau huei soon...
glad tat she is bek...i don mind got souvenir or not...
save money is more important...
...................................................................................................................................................................
today,
i received ur call...
my heart is down...
i hate u..
really...
hate u for breaking ur promised...
hate u for fooling me again n again...
i m not ur toy or pet...
not goin to act as ur wish...
if edi decided not to contact anymore,
leave me far away!
i m not goin to stand there n let u hurt one more time!
y don't u juz forget about me?!
pls...
i m not expert in this game...
i quit!
forever...
so don ever come bek to me again!
coz i wan delete all d memories wif u from my mind..forever!
never restore!
i feel awful when i think about u!
don blamed me for scolding u...
u deserved it!

一早起来，
嘴唇裂得很厉害。。。
连笑也不能。。。
很难受。。。
慢慢地。。。
又出血。。。
想不吃药了。。。
但我要坚持。。。
不能就酱放弃。。。
此时此刻。。。
突然很明白弟弟的感受。。。
自小，
他就有皮肤病。。。
手脚都干燥不已。。。
也是流血。。。
真的感受到他的痛。。。
以后。。。
该疼他多一点。。。
不再妒忌妈妈疼他多点。。。
因为我相信妈妈对他。。。
是很内疚的。。。
但，
有时候，
他真的很令人讨厌。。。
哈哈哈!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
有位朋友失恋了。。。
和他聊了蛮久。。。
感情。。。
真的是一门很难理解的学问。。。
也没有一定的答案。。。
因为每个人的想法，性格都不一样。。。
每个人的爱情故事也不一样。。。
所以当你遇到感情问题时，
没有人能帮到你，
唯有自己去面对。。。
亲人朋友只能聆听你诉苦，
陪你度过伤心的日子，
讲解一些所谓的爱情道理。。。
好让你不胡思乱想。。。
最重要的，
还是靠自己能站回起来。。。
继续精采的生活。。。
jia you jia you!

. . . . . .


最近的天气真的非常热。。。
前几天，因为吃了八珍丸，
结果第二天早上一起床就流鼻血。。。
刚巧晚上妈妈打来问候我。。。
其实最近在吃着一些药，
所以她问我是否有效和有没有副作用。。。
其实还好啦。。。
只是嘴唇干裂咯。。。(现在开始干到出血了)
结果第二晚妈妈又打来。。
问我还有流鼻血吗。。。
哈哈。。。
说真的，
当时的心真的很温暖的。。。
能感受到妈妈的关心真好。。。
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
此刻，
已经在倒数着新年的最后一天了。。。
在此祝大家元宵节快乐!
我选择了在槟城过元宵而不是家人或男朋友。。。
在做这个决定前我可是非常挣扎的。。。
但实在是太多功课要赶。。。
没办法。。。
我的心多么想回去。。。
很想家。。。
也很想他。。。
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
今天去逛街。。。
打算买靴子。。。
想买很久的了。。。
但看了几间都还好。。。
其实有看中一双的。。。
但那老板娘的态度令我不想光顾她!
真想告诉她:" 今时今日的服务态度是不能的。。"
哈哈哈。。。
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
刚从功夫晚会回来。。。
有点闷。。。
但有些部分真的很精采!
尤其是白人打鼓和二十四节令。。。
真的很棒喔!