=Black Day=


today..again...my mood...from blue turn to black.. i oso don wan..but really many things is out of our control..

=If someone betrayed u once, is his fault ; If someone betrayed u twice, is ur faulth=
tis is d personal message tat i post yesterday nite..saw tis from a email.. r u agree wif tat? i m quite agree..but not fully agree..today..tis sentence make me think of :

=If someone lied u once, is his fault ; If someone lies u twice, is ur fault=
is tis true? there is some reason when u lie someone.. n d reason or excuses u tell lies is "i scare u not happy or angry.." not only in ur relationship..it is oso apply in friendship, n family... don say about relationship first..

friendship, sometimes u will lie ur fren..to avoid him from getting upset.. usually..it is white lies..

family, sometimes u will tell lies to ur parents.. usually, is for ur own fun or avoid getting scold or punishment.. is tis oso consider as white lies? i lie my mom whenever i go dating..although i noe i m bad but i no choice..coz she used to stopped me from meeting him last time..coz he is low educated..i noe my mom care for me..but..i don agree her thinking..so..i choose to tell lies.. so..is it her fault for making me tell lies? both..both oso wrong..

relationship, ? i really don noe..


today morning..i awake at 7.30am..but i fall asleep again..i got class at 10am..but yesterday i edi ask my boy to giv me morning call when he go to work..so i juz continue sleep..tot he will call me..den my fren sms me..n i m awake, is 8.49am! oh gosh~ luckily my fren sms me..if not i sure will late..den i call my boy 'asked' him y forgot to morning call me AGAIN..(coz yesterday i wanna wake up early to study he oso forgot to wake me up)..i not so happy coz tis is second time..last time he wont forget..but i m not really angry coz recently he is quite busy wif his work..n he is quite fan about it coz their factory is facing some problem..
after brush teeth n wash face..i m getting ready to go for tutorial..(long time no attend class edi..) den my buddies..siow yen sms me..she asked me if yesterday nite noe where my boy go n noe he went out wif who anot..after i read her sms i edi noe there is something bad happened..so i called her..jing xian is wif her..n she told me tat she saw my boy wif a gal.. yam cha..i noe who is tat gal..is szu mae..a gal tat is cute n pretty..last time flirt wif my boy oso ( tat gal told me de) but i edi not angry tat gal..coz last time i choose to be fren wif tat szu mae coz i don wan to hate her..n we chat before..now she got a bf oso..i noe my boy got keep in touch wif tat gal..but i edi try to change better..i edi not jealous n sensitive..coz i noe who is tat gal..n i noe it is impposible tat my boy only got a gal's fren..juz like i oso got many guy's fens..i cant be so selfish..

but i really hate tat he lie to me! although i noe they yam cha wif many frens..i might be sad or not happy if he tell me tat he go yam cha wif tat gal..but i will be nth in a short time if he tam me..at least better than now..better than now tat when i think of wat he said to me yesterday..i feel.. yiak..all is lies.. so so so unsecure! so after i hang up d calls wif siow yen, i called him..i straight away call him n ask him y he lie me..he din deny..but giv excuse tat he scare i will angry..den i juz told him i don wan talk to him n i shut d phone..

He sms me..said sorry..said they r juz frens n he scare i will angry.. hey.. stupid boy, don't u understand tat i had told u many times tat i rather u tan bai to me than u lie to me?! we had talk about tis issus many many times! i edi tired of repeat it again n again..although i might not happy u go out wif gal's frens..but i edi learn to control n i promised to giv u freedom to make frens wif gals..especially now i m so far apart from u..i cant accompany u..i juz don like tat u lie to me~ i hate everytime my fren tell me tat "tat day i saw ur boy wif XXX ....u fast fast ask him..he lie u'! " u noe how d feeling is it?! is terrible! is suck! is it my fault tat making u tell lies to me?! is it?

y..everytime when u did something bad..there is a way tat i will noe..
y.. everytime when i tot everything is working smoothly between us..there is something bad happen tat hurt me much..
y..everytime when d percentage of trust on u getting higher n higher..urself will break it into 0?
y..everytime when i become more confidence to our relationship..bad things will happen..
y..u becoming a better guy but not a better boyfriend?
y..i m struggling here..cant u do something tat make me feel better..? but u choose to make me more suffer..
y..i m so useless..love u so deeply make me need ur support so much..need u so much.. somehow...i need brave to break wif u..unless i m strong enuf to continue wif tis relationship...
y..u really good to me but when everytime u tell lies..u r d evil for me~

y.. y.. y.. is d god asking me to leave him? is it my fault tat he lie me? is it my fault? should i forgiv him?is it tis matter worth to end our 2 years 9 months relationship? i don noe wat should i do..any decision i oso very suffer..don feel like wanna forgiv him so easily..but he keep asking is it i wan to game over..i m kinda hate when he ask me like tat..sound like he don care if i wan to break..so i edi off my phone..i m tired..mentality tired..tears cant come out make me more suffer..cant release my sadness..


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today is really damm bad day..or should say when someone is depress..all d bad things keep on coming?

yesterday we suppose hav a presentation for our eco assignment on 5pm.. when my group reach d presentation hall..there is many groups oso.. den we wait till 6.10pm like tat.. den u noe wat happen? our assignments..missing! don noe is missing,code error or d lecturer's took wrong la.juz tat we hav to delay till tmr afternoon only present again.. really shit! waste so much time waiting there!

n today..my 1st tutorial class cancelled! me edi very down becoz of stupid A Long..but still wanna attend tutorial..but cancelled! so me n my fren..walk to d only chinese food stall in our uni near our school..plan to hav lunch there coz we got another tutorial on 12pm..at first i m quite enjoy my meal..coz long time no go there eat chinese food..but things turn bad..i saw many birds fly here fly there..n d birds eat those food tat ppl's leave..n 1 things very suprise is i saw d birds eat d fried rice tat is sell for students! oh shit! tat time my fren go other stall buy some kuih..so when she come back..i told her wat i saw...den once again..i saw d birds stand on d fried eggs! oh shit! i m thinking d virus of H5N1~den i keep on complaine.. u noe wat happen next? don noe d if d birds noe tat i m talking about them or wat..one birds fly over me..touch my head! fuck! i no mood to go for next tutorial edi..i juz went back n bath.. at d end..i still din attend any class...n if i die next week..d reason should be i get d H5N1 virus..

after bath..i plan to put d clothes into washing machine..coz wanna wash my towel..n i purposely collect enough RM2 de syilling..tis is d first time i plan to wash wif washing machine..but things really cant be like wat i wish.. when i go to see d washing machine whether is clear n clean anot..yiaks..is smelly..d machine is full of dirty water..wtf~ n end up i hav to wash d clothes wif hands again...

damm tired..n depress again..actually i really don wan post bad news de blog here edi..but..fate..i still in d 'dark period'.. thanks for those frens tat care for me so much.. d only thing i feel better when i m here is when i chat wif u all n update u guy's news..n of course.. when he is care for me.. but not today.. sigh..

actually yesterday nite i edi got d motivation to study hard edi..but now..i wanna sleep till evening!