Wat Happen to Me Huh?!


Recently i really feel very depress..n i feel myself had change a lot...is a bad changing.. i become very emotianal n i cant control my feeling...i try to be happy but i feel lonely n depress most of d time..

i feel depress n down bcoz of my looks..i shame to face ppl...so i refuse to attend class.. i get scolded by my boy..den i choose to lie him..i tell him i got attend class..but actually d last whole week i din even attend 1 class...d whole week i juz stay at my room...sitting on d chair n facing d laptop most of d time..nothing to do..feel tat frenster is quite boring edi..n i don feel like chatting in msn..although i on9 most of d time..but i always put off9 mode unless i saw my buddies on9 den only out d mode to busy or away.. time passes very fast..d exam is coming so soon but yet i not really study hard..everyday i juz read 1 or 2 chapter only..

last week..i sleep very late n purposely wake up around 10 or 11am..den after brush my teeth n wash my face i will on9 n doin nth..i scare about my exam but don noe y i din hav d mood to read..den i ll go www.playfirst.com n download some stupid childish game..they provide free an hour trial games..means tat u can play an hour free for tat game n if u feel interested u hav to buy to continue..of course i wont buy..so i tried many games...all is simple games but it test ur speed on reaction..i really tried many games..some game i install again after delete..sigh..den after spend hour n hour on this stupid games...is time for me to bath edi..den after bath i wash my clothes n go da bao malay food..opps..i left 1 thing..i din eat breakfast..but i hav maggie mee as my lunch around 2pm like tat..
den after dinner is around 6pm like tat..i continue play games n study a while..n it is already 10pm or 11 pm..chat a while wif my boy den at nite many ppl on9..so i will chat in msn a while like normal, click here click there in frenster..my email n so on...my life juz go on like this..so grey..

everynight i cant sleep well becoz i m alone..when there is some weird sound..i will awake..i only can sleep well around 6 or 7 in d morning..everynight i think of many things..i noe i cant continue my life like tis but yet everytime i tell myself to change but d next day i will be d same..i noe i should hang out wif frens..i cant live alone..u noe..is really very cham 24 hours stay in such a small room...i noe d main reason..i don hav confident to myself..tat day went pizza hut i oso very 'bu zi zai'..


yesterday midnite my boy called me..i really cant control my feeling..my tears keep on dropping..i tell him my life here actually very lonely...d whole day i only talk when he called me..i tell him don noe y i edi don hav d motivation to make my life full of colours..don hav d motivation to study hard although in my heart i wan to do so..n at last my tears burst out but i din tell him d truth is i had lost my own confidence..coz i noe he sure will say me stupid... see..?i found out tat i become not so honest in front of him edi...sometimes really don noe how to tell d feeling to others..coz i cant describe it clearly n only myself understand d real feeling..i wanna be crazy or 'yao wat zheng'...

i really don like uni's life..try to enjoy it but still..quite hate~ i hate d eco's lecturer..coz after many students complaine him..he balas dendam pula..he said :" u all complaine me till so bad..how am i goin to giv high marks to ur assignment?!" oh shit.. he not only bad in teaching.. n he oso makan rasuah..all d senior said when u pass up ur assign, giv him a hamper n treat him KFC n he will giv u A's.. n of course..tis year many group did tat..but noe he return all d hamper coz got other lecturer critic him..hahaha! dai sei.. but he balas dendam la..actually we edi pass up d assign 2 weeks ago le..but now he wan us to present it! n he ask us to print out a leadership article from google n write comment on it..wat d hell 'leadership' related wif econs? leadership is under management la! baka..at first not many ppl do it coz he always not serious de la..but then he really angry wif us le so he said mus do it seriously coz tat is additional marks for our group assign.. oh! y wanna like this wo..

another reason is maybe there is too many malays around me.. T_T u noe.. malay's thinking n attitude r XXXX..although some quite frendly but i still..hate..

i really hope can go back home n eat my mom's cook n drink soup...i really wanna be crazy staying here..i hope can fast fast holiday n go back kl..i wan go watch movie..i wan eat many many delicious de food..i wan sing k.. i wan watch astro..i wan sleep at my bed..juz miss my home..but don noe y..my family din call me when i m here...juz like forget bout me edi.. tat is oso y i feel depress...last time my mom oso will call my sis once in a while..but how about me?! luckily i still got my boy to call me everyday n concern me...if not..i think..i really get 'yao wat zheng' edi!

really feel myself so useless..only noe how to ask ppl cheer up but den suddenly i bcm like tis..don noe how to cheer up myself..i noe wat is d prob but yet i don noe how to solve it..
anyway..i ll still try my best to.. -smile- n throw away d bad feeling..