Final...

long long time no update my blog edi..coz always not much time to online..n i din bring my laptop back to penang..now using fren's laptop to on9..
now is exam period..so stressful...not really hav d motivation to study..n my fren here juz planning where to go after exam..aiks.. i wanna go clubing ler..but always cant go.. so bad la..came penang edi 1 semester liao la..so freedom but yet never been to clubing once.. even go watch movie or sing k oso don hav..should say till now never been to gurney plaza oso.. so cha! coz really no transport ma..some more don noe how to take public bus...taxi's fees at penang is damm expensive! so..i think KL better la..at least i got my own car..wanna go out eat no need to walk.. haha! but i really hope can fast fast go clubing la! eh...who can bring me go leh..!


i finish 2 paper liao...eco n teknik berfikir.. wanna say tat..really hard la..especially eco... no eyes see liao~ i really don hav d 'study mood' la..keep on counting when i can back to KL... thinking wat i wan to during my holiday.. hehe!



fly back to 1 week ago......


22.10.2006 (sunday)
today chinese society having an event.. <>
n i m in charge in 'camera' =,=" capture capture n capture...
a bit sien but i learn a lot of things oso ler..learn how to take a good picture..with or without flash.. n they r some knowledge when u wanna take picture during d perfomance.. thanks a lot for those senior..tat day i really hav fun although i not really close wif those ppl coz tis is d first time i take part..n d perfomance is really nice..especially those drama..touching n so funny.. i m glad tat i take part in tis event..new experience... n i knew many new frens from d event oso.. kekekeke!

but tat night ( i mean on 22.10.06 de night)..i m damm angry wif someone..really mad..found out tat 1 of my fren..really evil! always pretend naive..did something tat i really angry about her! there is a long story..i think i cant describe here..juz realise tat d there is really some evil ppl in d world wearing a 'angel mask'.....juz open ur eyes big big when u make new frens! don fool by their evil smiles...

erm...stop here la..wanna study lo~
good luck to all my frens ya~

Firstly..i wanna thanks those ppl tat concern me so much..i think i m ok edi.. so don worry la k~ n i appreciate u guys de concern..

recently i make my mind clear edi..concentrate on my study..coz i really worry tat i cant get eco as major..n i don wan get bad results..although tis few weeks de life is tough..cant eat well n cant sleep well..but my final coming soon..n i will be free after tat.. looking forward much much for my holiday! especially d spore trip..wish everything goin smoothly..really wish i will hav a nice n memorable trip..pray tat there r no accident *wink*, no ppl fong fei gei.. no bad things happen..n hope all of us got enuf $$$~ hehe!

i edi forgiv my boy..after scold him kau kau..coz some say he is right..coz he tell or not tell i oso @##$%...teng seng said if is him..he oso choose to lie.. sigh.. gals r so pity...i noe..is me to make him to tell lies..but yet..i really disappointed coz i edi changed a lot but he still do tat to me..waste my 'sum gei'..although i forgiv him..but now..everyday i oso put my bad temper on him.. hohoho~ he deserve it.. lolz~

don noe y my health not so good edi..mayb is din eat well gua or very stress ler.. yesterday i almost fainted on d way i walk back to my hostel..yesterday morning i edi not so feeling well..like blur blur n don noe wat should i do..i hav to go jabatan bendahari to take payment slip.. so after tat i go out to da bao chinese food.. while i walk back (coz they say friday there r no uni's bus on 12pm-2.30..but after i walk half way..i saw many bus la! T_T )..i keep on sweating..n my stomach n my backside very pain..really not feeling well...but i still hav to walk back..i try to walk faster..den i feel tat i no much energy liao..i noe i cant edi..i noe myself r goin to fainted..but i keep on asking myself nth de..walk faster..but soon..my view blur..cant tahan edi..so i fast fast walk near d lake..n throw all my things on d ground n sit down..tat time really very xin ku er..cant breath well oso..n my head so pening..den after a while..i only go back.. n i really wanna crazy coz while i reach my hostel..i only realise tat i left my key in d room! oh gosh..so blur la me! n my roommate went to her sis there edi! shit! of course i don hav d energy to go find her la..so far~ so i go my fren's room n rest..den wait till 2.30 only go office n take spare key to open..hav to pay RM3 leh..juz borrow a while only mer.. >,<

=Black Day=


today..again...my mood...from blue turn to black.. i oso don wan..but really many things is out of our control..

=If someone betrayed u once, is his fault ; If someone betrayed u twice, is ur faulth=
tis is d personal message tat i post yesterday nite..saw tis from a email.. r u agree wif tat? i m quite agree..but not fully agree..today..tis sentence make me think of :

=If someone lied u once, is his fault ; If someone lies u twice, is ur fault=
is tis true? there is some reason when u lie someone.. n d reason or excuses u tell lies is "i scare u not happy or angry.." not only in ur relationship..it is oso apply in friendship, n family... don say about relationship first..

friendship, sometimes u will lie ur fren..to avoid him from getting upset.. usually..it is white lies..

family, sometimes u will tell lies to ur parents.. usually, is for ur own fun or avoid getting scold or punishment.. is tis oso consider as white lies? i lie my mom whenever i go dating..although i noe i m bad but i no choice..coz she used to stopped me from meeting him last time..coz he is low educated..i noe my mom care for me..but..i don agree her thinking..so..i choose to tell lies.. so..is it her fault for making me tell lies? both..both oso wrong..

relationship, ? i really don noe..


today morning..i awake at 7.30am..but i fall asleep again..i got class at 10am..but yesterday i edi ask my boy to giv me morning call when he go to work..so i juz continue sleep..tot he will call me..den my fren sms me..n i m awake, is 8.49am! oh gosh~ luckily my fren sms me..if not i sure will late..den i call my boy 'asked' him y forgot to morning call me AGAIN..(coz yesterday i wanna wake up early to study he oso forgot to wake me up)..i not so happy coz tis is second time..last time he wont forget..but i m not really angry coz recently he is quite busy wif his work..n he is quite fan about it coz their factory is facing some problem..
after brush teeth n wash face..i m getting ready to go for tutorial..(long time no attend class edi..) den my buddies..siow yen sms me..she asked me if yesterday nite noe where my boy go n noe he went out wif who anot..after i read her sms i edi noe there is something bad happened..so i called her..jing xian is wif her..n she told me tat she saw my boy wif a gal.. yam cha..i noe who is tat gal..is szu mae..a gal tat is cute n pretty..last time flirt wif my boy oso ( tat gal told me de) but i edi not angry tat gal..coz last time i choose to be fren wif tat szu mae coz i don wan to hate her..n we chat before..now she got a bf oso..i noe my boy got keep in touch wif tat gal..but i edi try to change better..i edi not jealous n sensitive..coz i noe who is tat gal..n i noe it is impposible tat my boy only got a gal's fren..juz like i oso got many guy's fens..i cant be so selfish..

but i really hate tat he lie to me! although i noe they yam cha wif many frens..i might be sad or not happy if he tell me tat he go yam cha wif tat gal..but i will be nth in a short time if he tam me..at least better than now..better than now tat when i think of wat he said to me yesterday..i feel.. yiak..all is lies.. so so so unsecure! so after i hang up d calls wif siow yen, i called him..i straight away call him n ask him y he lie me..he din deny..but giv excuse tat he scare i will angry..den i juz told him i don wan talk to him n i shut d phone..

He sms me..said sorry..said they r juz frens n he scare i will angry.. hey.. stupid boy, don't u understand tat i had told u many times tat i rather u tan bai to me than u lie to me?! we had talk about tis issus many many times! i edi tired of repeat it again n again..although i might not happy u go out wif gal's frens..but i edi learn to control n i promised to giv u freedom to make frens wif gals..especially now i m so far apart from u..i cant accompany u..i juz don like tat u lie to me~ i hate everytime my fren tell me tat "tat day i saw ur boy wif XXX ....u fast fast ask him..he lie u'! " u noe how d feeling is it?! is terrible! is suck! is it my fault tat making u tell lies to me?! is it?

y..everytime when u did something bad..there is a way tat i will noe..
y.. everytime when i tot everything is working smoothly between us..there is something bad happen tat hurt me much..
y..everytime when d percentage of trust on u getting higher n higher..urself will break it into 0?
y..everytime when i become more confidence to our relationship..bad things will happen..
y..u becoming a better guy but not a better boyfriend?
y..i m struggling here..cant u do something tat make me feel better..? but u choose to make me more suffer..
y..i m so useless..love u so deeply make me need ur support so much..need u so much.. somehow...i need brave to break wif u..unless i m strong enuf to continue wif tis relationship...
y..u really good to me but when everytime u tell lies..u r d evil for me~

y.. y.. y.. is d god asking me to leave him? is it my fault tat he lie me? is it my fault? should i forgiv him?is it tis matter worth to end our 2 years 9 months relationship? i don noe wat should i do..any decision i oso very suffer..don feel like wanna forgiv him so easily..but he keep asking is it i wan to game over..i m kinda hate when he ask me like tat..sound like he don care if i wan to break..so i edi off my phone..i m tired..mentality tired..tears cant come out make me more suffer..cant release my sadness..


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today is really damm bad day..or should say when someone is depress..all d bad things keep on coming?

yesterday we suppose hav a presentation for our eco assignment on 5pm.. when my group reach d presentation hall..there is many groups oso.. den we wait till 6.10pm like tat.. den u noe wat happen? our assignments..missing! don noe is missing,code error or d lecturer's took wrong la.juz tat we hav to delay till tmr afternoon only present again.. really shit! waste so much time waiting there!

n today..my 1st tutorial class cancelled! me edi very down becoz of stupid A Long..but still wanna attend tutorial..but cancelled! so me n my fren..walk to d only chinese food stall in our uni near our school..plan to hav lunch there coz we got another tutorial on 12pm..at first i m quite enjoy my meal..coz long time no go there eat chinese food..but things turn bad..i saw many birds fly here fly there..n d birds eat those food tat ppl's leave..n 1 things very suprise is i saw d birds eat d fried rice tat is sell for students! oh shit! tat time my fren go other stall buy some kuih..so when she come back..i told her wat i saw...den once again..i saw d birds stand on d fried eggs! oh shit! i m thinking d virus of H5N1~den i keep on complaine.. u noe wat happen next? don noe d if d birds noe tat i m talking about them or wat..one birds fly over me..touch my head! fuck! i no mood to go for next tutorial edi..i juz went back n bath.. at d end..i still din attend any class...n if i die next week..d reason should be i get d H5N1 virus..

after bath..i plan to put d clothes into washing machine..coz wanna wash my towel..n i purposely collect enough RM2 de syilling..tis is d first time i plan to wash wif washing machine..but things really cant be like wat i wish.. when i go to see d washing machine whether is clear n clean anot..yiaks..is smelly..d machine is full of dirty water..wtf~ n end up i hav to wash d clothes wif hands again...

damm tired..n depress again..actually i really don wan post bad news de blog here edi..but..fate..i still in d 'dark period'.. thanks for those frens tat care for me so much.. d only thing i feel better when i m here is when i chat wif u all n update u guy's news..n of course.. when he is care for me.. but not today.. sigh..

actually yesterday nite i edi got d motivation to study hard edi..but now..i wanna sleep till evening!

Hate Hate Hate!


Really hate uni's life~hate my room! ants r around..lizards.. spider... scary me!

feel unsecure!!!

i cant find where d ants come from...it suddenly appear here n there..really...while u r reading..it suddenly appear in d middle of ur books.. ur table n everywhere! i oso cant see where they 'climb' from...n another thing tat like to climb is my water bottle..i don noe y la..is d water sweet?they oso cant get it d water mer...i think d water is 'sweet' for them..coz everytime d water inside d bottle finished..no ants..den after u refill it n put on d floor...u can see some ants on it edi.. shit..i everytime oso got wash d bottle wan leh.. recently d ants don noe is cant find food to eat or wat..they like to climb everywhere..n u noe wat..yesterday..i found few on my bed! fuck! after i killed them..den after a while..there r some more! i really don noe where they come from la! u cant see them climb on d wall...my floor is simen..so is hard to see but usually ants will go in one way rite? but here no!! they appear everywhere! not in group..juz 1 or 2..i feel so geli!!! i hate here~ really damm hate! make me cant sleep well! n my roommate's water boiling machine..oso got some ants climb inside..damm stupid wan la..before u boil water sure will clean it first rite..den after u use it sure left some hot water inside rite..u still can see 1 or 2 stupid ants climb over it..n after a while or d next time u open, u can see d ants died inside..don noe it die becoz of lemas or die bcoz of d hot water! is EVERYTIME u can see ants die inside it!

ok..about spider..tis i not very scare..coz i can use d newspaper n 'piak'..n d spider ll go to d heaven or hell..don say me kejam..coz if i din kill them...i will be crazy staying here..


Lizard! I HATE lizard..coz i hav no idea how to 'treat' them! i never kill a lizard! they r so big n ugly la! even if i got d brave to use newspaper n 'piak' them..n i 'success' to kill them..i oso don hav d brave to take their 'mayat' la! n they like to make those weird sound..scary me while i m sleeping..juz now...is juz now..suddenly 2..is 2 big lizards like fighting..d bigger one go after d smaller one(i think is dark colour de) yiaks!!! actually i cant see cleary coz while i m facing my laptop..they appear on my right side...i mean from a wall to my wardrobe! d dark one don noe go where liao! i m thinking n worrying tat d dark one now in my wardrobe...wuwuwu!!i really very scare now la..n d big one don noe hide where oso..i really scare! i really scare if later i bath n take my clothes..den suddenly it appear! juz now i edi scare until hug my 'bear bear' n stand on my chair liao... T_T coz tis room is small...is quite near me la! can u imagine if d lizard climb over my clothes or my shoes... oh!!! help..

later gonna buy some spray..for d ants n for any insects... i _i i really wanna be crazy le..
i don wan stay here liao...really don like! sometimes really hope to stop study...suddenly i so admire those student tat can giv up studying here..there really some student did it coz they not use to uni's life...

Wat Happen to Me Huh?!


Recently i really feel very depress..n i feel myself had change a lot...is a bad changing.. i become very emotianal n i cant control my feeling...i try to be happy but i feel lonely n depress most of d time..

i feel depress n down bcoz of my looks..i shame to face ppl...so i refuse to attend class.. i get scolded by my boy..den i choose to lie him..i tell him i got attend class..but actually d last whole week i din even attend 1 class...d whole week i juz stay at my room...sitting on d chair n facing d laptop most of d time..nothing to do..feel tat frenster is quite boring edi..n i don feel like chatting in msn..although i on9 most of d time..but i always put off9 mode unless i saw my buddies on9 den only out d mode to busy or away.. time passes very fast..d exam is coming so soon but yet i not really study hard..everyday i juz read 1 or 2 chapter only..

last week..i sleep very late n purposely wake up around 10 or 11am..den after brush my teeth n wash my face i will on9 n doin nth..i scare about my exam but don noe y i din hav d mood to read..den i ll go www.playfirst.com n download some stupid childish game..they provide free an hour trial games..means tat u can play an hour free for tat game n if u feel interested u hav to buy to continue..of course i wont buy..so i tried many games...all is simple games but it test ur speed on reaction..i really tried many games..some game i install again after delete..sigh..den after spend hour n hour on this stupid games...is time for me to bath edi..den after bath i wash my clothes n go da bao malay food..opps..i left 1 thing..i din eat breakfast..but i hav maggie mee as my lunch around 2pm like tat..
den after dinner is around 6pm like tat..i continue play games n study a while..n it is already 10pm or 11 pm..chat a while wif my boy den at nite many ppl on9..so i will chat in msn a while like normal, click here click there in frenster..my email n so on...my life juz go on like this..so grey..

everynight i cant sleep well becoz i m alone..when there is some weird sound..i will awake..i only can sleep well around 6 or 7 in d morning..everynight i think of many things..i noe i cant continue my life like tis but yet everytime i tell myself to change but d next day i will be d same..i noe i should hang out wif frens..i cant live alone..u noe..is really very cham 24 hours stay in such a small room...i noe d main reason..i don hav confident to myself..tat day went pizza hut i oso very 'bu zi zai'..


yesterday midnite my boy called me..i really cant control my feeling..my tears keep on dropping..i tell him my life here actually very lonely...d whole day i only talk when he called me..i tell him don noe y i edi don hav d motivation to make my life full of colours..don hav d motivation to study hard although in my heart i wan to do so..n at last my tears burst out but i din tell him d truth is i had lost my own confidence..coz i noe he sure will say me stupid... see..?i found out tat i become not so honest in front of him edi...sometimes really don noe how to tell d feeling to others..coz i cant describe it clearly n only myself understand d real feeling..i wanna be crazy or 'yao wat zheng'...

i really don like uni's life..try to enjoy it but still..quite hate~ i hate d eco's lecturer..coz after many students complaine him..he balas dendam pula..he said :" u all complaine me till so bad..how am i goin to giv high marks to ur assignment?!" oh shit.. he not only bad in teaching.. n he oso makan rasuah..all d senior said when u pass up ur assign, giv him a hamper n treat him KFC n he will giv u A's.. n of course..tis year many group did tat..but noe he return all d hamper coz got other lecturer critic him..hahaha! dai sei.. but he balas dendam la..actually we edi pass up d assign 2 weeks ago le..but now he wan us to present it! n he ask us to print out a leadership article from google n write comment on it..wat d hell 'leadership' related wif econs? leadership is under management la! baka..at first not many ppl do it coz he always not serious de la..but then he really angry wif us le so he said mus do it seriously coz tat is additional marks for our group assign.. oh! y wanna like this wo..

another reason is maybe there is too many malays around me.. T_T u noe.. malay's thinking n attitude r XXXX..although some quite frendly but i still..hate..

i really hope can go back home n eat my mom's cook n drink soup...i really wanna be crazy staying here..i hope can fast fast holiday n go back kl..i wan go watch movie..i wan eat many many delicious de food..i wan sing k.. i wan watch astro..i wan sleep at my bed..juz miss my home..but don noe y..my family din call me when i m here...juz like forget bout me edi.. tat is oso y i feel depress...last time my mom oso will call my sis once in a while..but how about me?! luckily i still got my boy to call me everyday n concern me...if not..i think..i really get 'yao wat zheng' edi!

really feel myself so useless..only noe how to ask ppl cheer up but den suddenly i bcm like tis..don noe how to cheer up myself..i noe wat is d prob but yet i don noe how to solve it..
anyway..i ll still try my best to.. -smile- n throw away d bad feeling..

Special Day?



today is 14 Oct 2006...14th again..n i m celebrate my 2 years n 9 months anniversary o!

erm.. actually is myself celebrate only la..sound weird? ya..coz my boy don care bout d months anniversary.. T_T he said years annivesary only important wo.. at first i very mind n sad coz he don care about months anniversary de..but..erm...now i understand edi.. don force him or expect him do anything liao lo..haha! coz i realise tat if ur expectation getting higher n higher(without ur knowledge) to ur beloved..not only they will suffer..but will getting more n more arguement...coz once they din do wat u expect..u will feel disappointed..then u will think that he or she don care u la..don love u edi la..don understand u la...bla bla bla... then of course u will show d 'anger'...n den of course...d arguement begin..haha~ n usually gal will think too much..will bring out all d 'old story'.. den a small arguement become big arguement..if ur beloved din tam u good good.. d big arguement will be a fight..n den will have the thinking " lets break ! " oh man.. terrible!

i m not kidding or making story..is true..especially for those "long-term" relationship.. u will hav the thinking tat " he or she should be understand u well edi...noe wat is ur demand edi.. should be like tis, should be like tat..etc etc.." but then when things doesn't be like wat u expect.. u will start complaine n mumble n mumble...den u will hav the thinking " we had been together so long edi but u still don understand me a! u oso don care me de.." sigh....
i admit tat myself hav d problem... kekeke! i m trying my best not to behave like that liao la... but i must thanks my godsis...my lovely godsis... she wif her ex-bf edi more than 3 years.. but at d end they break oso..coz d guy futher his studies at australia edi.. n d reason they break is she feel that d guy don care her...but act d guy love her so much.. flight back right after she say wanna break..but she don wan..everyone was so shock when she announce she break edi! not only they 2gether so long edi.. but oso she was so close wif d guy's family even d guy went oversea...she went to d guy's family trip without d guy oso..but sigh... break.. is their ending oso..

i wanna thanks her becoz sometimes when i m unhappy becoz of my boy.. she giv me advice..
i still rmb when she break tat time..i got ask my boy tat me n him will be like my godsis anot.. but..who knows?.. we don noe wat will happen in future.. we only can appreciate everythings n treat everyone wif our true heart...n try not to expect wat ppl around u can do for u...do wat u can do for others first.. is not easy to do like tat..juz don put our expectation too high lo..
kekeke!

since today is a special day for me..i m planning to hav pizza as my dinner! (wif my fren)hahaha~ ai..these few days i everyday eat malay food..damm s*ck la!

erm..i m quite happy oso coz today i access tis web site easily! so suprise la.. mayb he noe today is my special day? haha! *wink*

n of course i wanna write something for my boy..although i noe he never read my blog.. juz wanna say that i really lup him o~ n miss him a lot a lot.. i promise tat i will try to be strong n study hard..juz like him work so hard.. *hugz hugz*

p/s: if u r my buddy..don laugh me la..wish me! kekekeke~

Recovering~

ai...at last i can access tis web site !! i edi tried d whole day leh!!! i wonder y it is so hard to access huh?! do u guys hav d same prob?

now is 7.10 pm..i juz finish my dinner..ai...malay food again..no choice..don feel like go outside.. so juz da bao at near near de canteen n eat at room myself..my roommate yesterday nite only back to our room..but juz now she went to her sis there again..din stay even for 24 hourse..she wont be back tis weekend again...n i m alone again..should i used to it? although i like 'privacy',but sometimes...i really don like alone..no one to talk to me..unless my boy call me..so i always online n on d music..so tat there is 'sound'..act on9 oso very boring...some web site cant access coz band by usm..*scuk*

today..d whole day..i stay at room again.. >.< my fren ask me go out for dinner but i don wan..
ai...d whole day i juz on9 n study...kinda boring~

seed yian..thanks for ur comment...never think tat there is someone is quite same situation wif me..but i think i m more serious than u la..although i m hurt..but i still love my mom.. coz she is my mom...

final exam is coming very soon..less than 3 weeks...feel nervous when i think about it..but yet i still not very hardworking...coz is really hard to read so many in 1 semester...in around 3 months only...d lecturer is *scuk* too..don noe wat they r teaching..some more we really don noe d exam paper format..not like last time secondary school life..got seminar about d format n marks..d timing..now...?

many of my frens will go back to their hometown next week...den only back for exam..so good!! but i cant go back..yer..so down la..coz i need to take part in d event tat organised by chinese society...on 22 oct!!! shit..i m so regret ler...even hari deepavali i oso cant go back to accompany my boy..i only can back on 23 leh! n tat day is hari raya~ T_T worrying there is no bus ticket ler..

all d class will end next week..so fast huh?! time passes so fast that we r goin to end our 1 semester edi!! unbelievable hoh! think back d 1st week i enter usm..really cant imagine tat i had gone through those hard time..still rmb i cried like hell until my eyes bengkak d 1st day...during orientation i hav to walk a lot..until my leg very pain coz injured before..den right after d orientation on friday noon..i took bus n back home...haha! n now..i oso don now whether myself used to uni's life anot...coz i m not really like it n enjoy it.. many ppl say uni's life is fun n happening..but don noe y..today..i don hav tat thinking... >.<

i noe tat i should not always think about d past..but..i really miss my secondary school life..especially my kadet's life n form 6 life..miss those day tat hanging out wif seniors n juniors.. miss those day tat i handle activities..i miss d progress...when planning activities wif my best partner..tcy..

n i really miss form 6 life! i cant get back a gang like form 6 de geng..so crazy n yet so clever in study..miss d time we drive car to yam cha..shopping..hav dinner..eat lunch after school..sing k..take sticker photo.. mis d time we fool each other..craps a lot while teacher is teaching..hide shit's water bottle, wallet, spec's box, n her hush puppies pencil case (we call it as panties's box) haha~sometimes d whole class help us to hide shit's belongings..of course everyone oso get fool by others b4..n we like to bully mou mou..play her curly hair..haha! play someone when they r sleeping in d class...n of course i still rmb d time we study together..discuss s ques..go kl tuition together... although STPM r tough...but i really enjoy it! is like honeymoon years to me~ thanks for u all tat had bright up my life!

now in uni's life..i edi cant meet a gang of fren tat will play d crazy game like pay RM18 for d highest marks or d lowest marks n then hav our super delicious seafood dinner.. now..my uni de gang came from diff places..not everyone same course or same class..all of us seldom gather together after class..


yesterday..shit ask me our gang will 'break' anot one day later..or in future maybe we cant rmb each other liao..tat time i cant answer her..coz everything is changing..last time i oso got a few best buddy like yee mun n chui hua..but after we graduate..we seldom keep in touch..n now like stranger edi....i think of wat she said d whole day..n i got d answer.. " AS LONG AS WE KEEP IN TOUCH OFTEN...WE WILL BE BEST FRENS FOREVER..." but i think i would never forget all my buddies..like my triplet..my form 6 gang n my lenglui buddies gang...n of course my boy's sis.. ^,^


ok..i hav to stop here..wanna study lo~ to all my buddies...take good care n be happy ya!

>.<


long time din write blog..wanna noe y?! coz tis blog is suck..during d nite of mooncake festival..i had wrote a blog..quite long..mana tau after i post out..is blank! n don noe y i hardly access to tis web site..now is 5pm..n i edi try to access since today morning around 10am.. fcuk! juz now really think of wanna create a new blog in friendster..but very weird is when i hav d thinking.. i can access liao.. >,<


i m back..yesterday evening..feeling bad..miss my bed, my pillow, my blanket, my room, miss my house badly...

this year mooncake festival is very boring...n not fun..i pruposely back on tat day..tot wanna hav dinner at home...erm..is true tat i had my dinner at home..but not together wif family.. my youngest bro n dad came back late..my another bro wanna go out..so he ate first..den i eat wif mom..erm..is really not 'tuan yuan fan' lo...anyway..my sis oso din back..

den only left me n my lil bro at home...others..went out..wat a lonely festival..i juz on9...but d bull shit cable din function well..keep on dc...once again..fcuk! tat day..i purposely don wanna go out..tot of stay at home accompany family..mana tau..most of them went out.. T_T

tat nite..tot of call my boy n look at d moon together..mana tau...all d haze cover d moon edi..d sky r dark..juz like my mood now.. ai...

actually tat day i m very happy n excited coz tat day is d 1st time i drive my mom's bmw...but then wif d mood right now...everything becm bad... erm..but when i think of d moment i driving bmw..still got a lil excited ler..1st time mer~

last Saturday..i went for a movie wif pui yan, win si n her coll frens...erm...bcoz win si watch 'bao bei ji hua' edi..so we watch another movie..." love story"... i wanna say...'FCUK'.... wat a shit movie..is so so so artistic..until we don understand wat d hell d movie is talking about.. n d whole cinema only got 7 of us n another 1 auntie...i m wonder if tat day we din watch tis movie..d auntie will watch alone anot coz d movie quite scary..u sure curious y a "love story" will scary? don ask me..coz i really don noe wat d hack d director wanna show..tis movie is 18 sx..got scary murder scene.. n a lil sex scene oso.. my conclusion is.. tis movie is fcuking hell! usually no matter how a movie is not very nice..but if u watch it in cinema..it will be nice oso.. tis is d 1st movie tat i really think is scuk~ oh..forgiv me tat being so rude..but i really very hate tis movie..

den i went menjalara eat sushi wif win si...we chat a lot..erm..feel better coz i long long time din meet her...at nite..had dinner at dragon-i (1u) wif my boy..n i feel much more better coz can eat shanghai siu long bao..yummy yummy...he promised me long time ago n at last he din break his promised..haha~ thanks a lot ya ! n tat nite i m happy coz he praise me..i mean.. said my taste is good ler..coz he wanna buy a long pants..when he is choosing d pants to try..i took a pants for him tat he think not so nice..but i think is nice ler...then after he tried all...d pants tat i choose is d nicer for him!!! wakaka...

last Sunday noon...my boy brought me for buffet in Legend Hotel...well..i m happy ler..coz he so sayang me..but juz wanna say tat Legend Hotel de hi-tea is not nice!! not much thing to eat..n not very delicious oso...but i m still happy when hanging out wif him ler...


Today....
feel moody~ very very moody~ i don noe how to describe my feeling..but i really feel very depress...i cant sleep well d whole nite..i m alone again...my roommate stay at her sis there... i juz very very miss my house n ..n very 'zi bei'wif my looks....

act today i wake up quite early..7.39am..i got class at 10am..but i don feel like goin..so force myself to sleep..n i wake up again around 8.45am...n i don wan wake up..so i sleep again.. n i wake up again at 9.49am... i look at d mirror n sigh..y am i so ugly..

12pm de class i oso din attend..i juz on9..trying to access tis stupiak web site..wanna spread out my feeling...n don noe y at tis time wanna find a close fren to crap oso don hav...none of them on9..those on9 de i don feel like talk wif them....i plan to go another tutorial on 4pm... but i cancelled it myself again...coz don feel like see anyone.. at tis moment..i m glad tat my roommate leave me alone...although i don like d feeling od lonely..but i more hate d feeling of seeing anyone wif my ugly face..

i don noe y..my mom told me tat nowadays everygal got beautiful skin...only me..so ugly..ya..i agree... although some gal don hav good looking or fat..but they got a beautiful skin...make them not ugly..even looks more beautiful than me...
but i oso don wan like this...who will likes it..who don wan be pretty wo...tell me?! who don wan to be pretty or handsome?! i edi very zi bei..i don hav confidence at all...coz even my mom oso will critic my looks.. do u ever heard tat a mom say to her child tat don like to see her face when talking to her? do u heard tat a mom don like her frens see her child coz d child hav a bad skin?! coz she don wan being asked "y ur child like tat huh?!" i really hurt...hurt deeply..but i don hate her..coz i noe tat is her attitude..n i m USED to it edi..since long long time ago...i noe she cares me oso de...she keep on mumble me juz for my own good..she don let me eat seafood, spicy food, chicken n egg..etc oso for my own good... but as a gal..i edi very down..but i cant show it..i always act like i m nothing wif it...but yet always feel depress when i m alone...but i really get hurt sometimes when my mom show me d face tat "arrgh..u really looks ugly"...tats y i like to stay at my room...doin nth but juz stay at my room..don like to stay at living room unless there r no ppl... i understand their feeling when looking my face..coz myself oso feel very ugly...

tats y i always feel unsecure n no confidence at all..especially in my relationship...i cant believe he will love a ugly gal...

act whenever i go out..i oso very scare to face ppl...but i noe i still hav to go on my life...so i always pretend like i very confidence n being happy in front of ppl...d only one tat i will show out my true feeling is my boy...although i noe he din look down on me..or still love me wif a ugly looks...he said d most important is i m kind...i noe he love me..but i oso noe where got guy wont love a pretty gal? where got guy don like to 'kap' leng lui?! even me oso like to see leng lui la.. tats y i feel so depress tat y so long edi i still cant recover? i don wan sia sui him..i don wan sia sui my mom...i wan my boy's friend will jealous him coz having a pretty, nice n capable gf..but when only i can do tat?!i don noe..so many years edi..u noe..i really scare when meet wif my relatives!! they will always ask "way happen to u?!" n look at me as if i m alien... arrggh...

i wanna thanks my boy..really aprreciate u veru much...thanks for not 'xian qi' me...thanks for loving me for wat i am (although i don noe how long u will love me)...thanks for looking at me..thanks for hug me...thanks for kiss me..although i m ugly...



later 8pm got kuliah..i think i will absent again~ T_T

wah..few days din write blog edi..actually..inda lazy to write ler..haha.. erm..wat to say leh? this few days still like tat lo..wake up around 11am if no class at d morning..den juz on9 n on9 .. breakfast n lunch eat together..sometimes din eat...den go class..dinner...on9..sleep...

oh~recently got hardworking a bit liao ler..coz wanna final exam liao ma..erm..hope i ll continue like tis ler..kekeke~
i get my ansos results..is B+..erm.. quite satisfy coz i oso din read much..juz read a lil only..keke.. n tembak d answer only..kakakaka~


last saturday i went to a singing contest organise by USM chinese society..RM 3 per entry..
wah..is not like a singing contest..can consider a mini concert liao.. uni's standard is really diff.. not like secondary school juz sing in dewan baru..d contest is in a hall..they put many afford in decorating..d light n especially s stage..all of us get a booklet..d design really creative ler..d ticket design oso very useful..u wont get wat i mean if u din see it..kekeke~
all d candidate's voice really very nice..some sang like singer ler..n d MC is super funny n creative!! we laugh a lot! n all of us r very high~ haha~ (saw many cute guys o) *,*
act i really love to organise these activities ler..juz like last time... so i edi decide to help in d next activiti organise by chinese society de..although i hav to delay 3 days back to KL end of Oct..n lost a chance to dating wif boy..but i don care..haha! coz i think it is worth for it..tat is d experience tat wont take-2 in our life..am i changed edi? hehe..coz i choose to stay here n hav fun wif frens but not hav fun wif my boy.. hohoho!!! but now i m having a prob ler..tat is i need a digi cam in my task.. n my digi cam is wif my sis there in USMKK.. -_- n she din go back tis weekend..but i need it next next week la.. T_T

erm..act yesterday my mood got a lil bit not so song..coz i saw my leng zai wif another gal! T_T
tis is d second time i saw them liao la...they revision together at my hostel de canteen..saw them when i go refill water..but..he still very leng zai..hehe!! i guess tat gal is live same desa wif me.. coz d guy de hostel quite far from my hostel..n there is many canteen in USM..y choose here wo.. n i decide to 'dump' tis leng zai liao since he is not 'loyal' to me...kekeke!!!!!! herm..wanna search for another target..hohoho!

okla..stop here..wanna pack my things n prepare to go back!!! kekeke..