>.<


long time din write blog..wanna noe y?! coz tis blog is suck..during d nite of mooncake festival..i had wrote a blog..quite long..mana tau after i post out..is blank! n don noe y i hardly access to tis web site..now is 5pm..n i edi try to access since today morning around 10am.. fcuk! juz now really think of wanna create a new blog in friendster..but very weird is when i hav d thinking.. i can access liao.. >,<


i m back..yesterday evening..feeling bad..miss my bed, my pillow, my blanket, my room, miss my house badly...

this year mooncake festival is very boring...n not fun..i pruposely back on tat day..tot wanna hav dinner at home...erm..is true tat i had my dinner at home..but not together wif family.. my youngest bro n dad came back late..my another bro wanna go out..so he ate first..den i eat wif mom..erm..is really not 'tuan yuan fan' lo...anyway..my sis oso din back..

den only left me n my lil bro at home...others..went out..wat a lonely festival..i juz on9...but d bull shit cable din function well..keep on dc...once again..fcuk! tat day..i purposely don wanna go out..tot of stay at home accompany family..mana tau..most of them went out.. T_T

tat nite..tot of call my boy n look at d moon together..mana tau...all d haze cover d moon edi..d sky r dark..juz like my mood now.. ai...

actually tat day i m very happy n excited coz tat day is d 1st time i drive my mom's bmw...but then wif d mood right now...everything becm bad... erm..but when i think of d moment i driving bmw..still got a lil excited ler..1st time mer~

last Saturday..i went for a movie wif pui yan, win si n her coll frens...erm...bcoz win si watch 'bao bei ji hua' edi..so we watch another movie..." love story"... i wanna say...'FCUK'.... wat a shit movie..is so so so artistic..until we don understand wat d hell d movie is talking about.. n d whole cinema only got 7 of us n another 1 auntie...i m wonder if tat day we din watch tis movie..d auntie will watch alone anot coz d movie quite scary..u sure curious y a "love story" will scary? don ask me..coz i really don noe wat d hack d director wanna show..tis movie is 18 sx..got scary murder scene.. n a lil sex scene oso.. my conclusion is.. tis movie is fcuking hell! usually no matter how a movie is not very nice..but if u watch it in cinema..it will be nice oso.. tis is d 1st movie tat i really think is scuk~ oh..forgiv me tat being so rude..but i really very hate tis movie..

den i went menjalara eat sushi wif win si...we chat a lot..erm..feel better coz i long long time din meet her...at nite..had dinner at dragon-i (1u) wif my boy..n i feel much more better coz can eat shanghai siu long bao..yummy yummy...he promised me long time ago n at last he din break his promised..haha~ thanks a lot ya ! n tat nite i m happy coz he praise me..i mean.. said my taste is good ler..coz he wanna buy a long pants..when he is choosing d pants to try..i took a pants for him tat he think not so nice..but i think is nice ler...then after he tried all...d pants tat i choose is d nicer for him!!! wakaka...

last Sunday noon...my boy brought me for buffet in Legend Hotel...well..i m happy ler..coz he so sayang me..but juz wanna say tat Legend Hotel de hi-tea is not nice!! not much thing to eat..n not very delicious oso...but i m still happy when hanging out wif him ler...


Today....
feel moody~ very very moody~ i don noe how to describe my feeling..but i really feel very depress...i cant sleep well d whole nite..i m alone again...my roommate stay at her sis there... i juz very very miss my house n ..n very 'zi bei'wif my looks....

act today i wake up quite early..7.39am..i got class at 10am..but i don feel like goin..so force myself to sleep..n i wake up again around 8.45am...n i don wan wake up..so i sleep again.. n i wake up again at 9.49am... i look at d mirror n sigh..y am i so ugly..

12pm de class i oso din attend..i juz on9..trying to access tis stupiak web site..wanna spread out my feeling...n don noe y at tis time wanna find a close fren to crap oso don hav...none of them on9..those on9 de i don feel like talk wif them....i plan to go another tutorial on 4pm... but i cancelled it myself again...coz don feel like see anyone.. at tis moment..i m glad tat my roommate leave me alone...although i don like d feeling od lonely..but i more hate d feeling of seeing anyone wif my ugly face..

i don noe y..my mom told me tat nowadays everygal got beautiful skin...only me..so ugly..ya..i agree... although some gal don hav good looking or fat..but they got a beautiful skin...make them not ugly..even looks more beautiful than me...
but i oso don wan like this...who will likes it..who don wan be pretty wo...tell me?! who don wan to be pretty or handsome?! i edi very zi bei..i don hav confidence at all...coz even my mom oso will critic my looks.. do u ever heard tat a mom say to her child tat don like to see her face when talking to her? do u heard tat a mom don like her frens see her child coz d child hav a bad skin?! coz she don wan being asked "y ur child like tat huh?!" i really hurt...hurt deeply..but i don hate her..coz i noe tat is her attitude..n i m USED to it edi..since long long time ago...i noe she cares me oso de...she keep on mumble me juz for my own good..she don let me eat seafood, spicy food, chicken n egg..etc oso for my own good... but as a gal..i edi very down..but i cant show it..i always act like i m nothing wif it...but yet always feel depress when i m alone...but i really get hurt sometimes when my mom show me d face tat "arrgh..u really looks ugly"...tats y i like to stay at my room...doin nth but juz stay at my room..don like to stay at living room unless there r no ppl... i understand their feeling when looking my face..coz myself oso feel very ugly...

tats y i always feel unsecure n no confidence at all..especially in my relationship...i cant believe he will love a ugly gal...

act whenever i go out..i oso very scare to face ppl...but i noe i still hav to go on my life...so i always pretend like i very confidence n being happy in front of ppl...d only one tat i will show out my true feeling is my boy...although i noe he din look down on me..or still love me wif a ugly looks...he said d most important is i m kind...i noe he love me..but i oso noe where got guy wont love a pretty gal? where got guy don like to 'kap' leng lui?! even me oso like to see leng lui la.. tats y i feel so depress tat y so long edi i still cant recover? i don wan sia sui him..i don wan sia sui my mom...i wan my boy's friend will jealous him coz having a pretty, nice n capable gf..but when only i can do tat?!i don noe..so many years edi..u noe..i really scare when meet wif my relatives!! they will always ask "way happen to u?!" n look at me as if i m alien... arrggh...

i wanna thanks my boy..really aprreciate u veru much...thanks for not 'xian qi' me...thanks for loving me for wat i am (although i don noe how long u will love me)...thanks for looking at me..thanks for hug me...thanks for kiss me..although i m ugly...



later 8pm got kuliah..i think i will absent again~ T_T